I have always tried to be one who does not complain much; and that is not what I am doing although it may seem so. I have spent a lot of time being angry over all that religion distracted me with. I have not felt like writing or even discussing things about God or Jesus because to put it quite frankly; they pretty much ruined my life.Or so it was easy to think. Why did I have to understand more about my Father and what happened when Jesus was killed, buried and rose again? How come so many beautiful people find it so much more comforting to be a lowly sinner that needs to be sure and watch their P’s and Q’s or else; rather than living a life of freedom in how our Father feels about them and their sin? How long God is it going to take for more people’s eyes to be open to the real gospel, and this amazing love they sing about at their weekly meetings so we can once again start having a hallelujah party together in unity of spirit and love? Why do I constantly feel that it will never happen and spend much of my days sad and frustrated because of the state of your body Lord?
It has been about 5 years since I have been out of a church building, and although all the above questions roll around in my head on a daily basis; another leg of the journey is beginning. I may never get my answers to these questions, however, those answers, although they are constantly pondered are none of my business. Apparently, or I am sure He would have shown me. As the title says, “Can you see me?’, is the question that I am facing myself. Many times in life, for me anyways, the most profound lessons had to be born from something critical occurring; such that it leaves me no choice but to examine what the lesson is to be. When I was younger, I quite frankly could care less about learning anything because I was just me and wild and free. Now that I am older, I have become this stiff overly cautious stick in the mud who actually gets on my own nerves! Can one still be wild and free yet still ponder the lessons to learn from taking risks? I would say yes; but how do we get back there once we have stepped into a paranoid schizophrenic ball of fear, yet still claim being a new creation?
I believe it starts with a question for my Father: ‘Can YOU see me?’ It is easy to say I am a new creation, and I don’t smoke or sleep around anymore; or whatever sin you might be able to manage easily; but what about the funny, sarcastic and unafraid person you were before you met Him? Are we all just supposed to be pious little holy clones, that never say a bad word; and only see others as another notch in our spiritual belts for the kingdom of God. The longer I am on this journey with my Father, the more I understand that none of that is or was His main ambition; but a living breathing relationship with Him even in the midst of my blunders. And how I look at people has changed dramatically as well. Most would be quick to ask me the same question, ‘Can you see me?’ There are so many people in the world right now that are committing suicide, just flat out giving up on themselves and the world around them and going out and shooting up schools because of the hurt and neglect they feel it is practically an everyday news cast. Why is this happening? Is there anything we can do to help or even prevent these things for God’s sake?
My answer is a resounding yes! The minute we at least make an attempt to start asking this question to each other, perhaps it will be the turning point when our eyes are open, and we can once again see each other. Not in the I cannot believe you are doing this or that and how can I help you to stop doing it; but an aura of how can I help if you need it, or man that is an amazing thing that you can do, will you share more with me?
My last little rant is that I am so appalled at what mainstream christianity did to me, that I came to the point where I did not even want to call myself a christian anymore! The Lord however has been letting me know that it is ok with Him to once again be me, and that He enjoys the silly me that He created me to be. And HE is bringing me back to that loving and caring person I have always been, even before I actually knew it was Him that I was talking to. To get back there, it will take time and patience with myself. I just want to be the real me again, so that when someone asks me without asking, ‘Can you see me?’, I will actually be able to say yes! Not by what they are doing or not doing, but because they are a human being like me, that my Father dearly loves more than I ever could!
My husband shared a story with me the other day, and I’ll tell you this little religious issue took a big toll on Him; but praise the Lord He is bringing us around together, back to being who we were created to be prior to being indoctrinated with false humility and a piety that has nothing to do with Lisa and George! He shared with me what a client told him when he came to her house to pick up some items she needed to get rid of because she was moving. She told him he was the kindest man she had ever met, and that my friends is the person God made George to be; and the man that I see hidden underneath a bunch of junk that is being removed even as we speak.
So for me these days, I am not really concerned with the actual behavior of folks, but what might be behind the behavior which may be causing them to do things that are not good for them, as well as the fun they are having that I long to enjoy with them! Life is short, and we do only get one go around; and this saint is tired of living a boring life of analyzing who gets salvation or not. That my friends is no longer my job; but to love as I have been loved is. It is when I finally walk by the spirit of Christ IN ME that I get to live and enjoy all that He has made me to be. One adventure, coming right up!
Just the pondering of a girl named Lisa! Lovin you precious ones!